Louder Than Words
by heartlandiansoisle
Summary: AU where Scott and Lou ended up together.
1. Chapter 1

Scott Cardinal sat in his truck and stared at the steering wheel without actually really even seeing it. He was zoned out, caught inside his thoughts and trying so hard not to shake. It wasn't a cold that made him shiver, since it was a warm, sunny summer day, but a feeling that had been building up.

"Your truck won't start, huh?" Jack Bartlett's voice startled him as the old man leaned to greet him through an open car window. Scott looked at him and smiled apologetically. He had overstayed his welcome, he figured. Jack had a knowing face and Scott soon realized his words were not to be taken seriously, but as a way to let him know that the cowboy knew something else was up.

Scott's answer began to unravel as his eyes drifted toward the ranch house. The house looked empty, but Jack knew his granddaughter, Lou Fleming, was inside.

"Oh…" Jack let out, still emphasizing how aware he actually was about what was going through Scott's head in that very minute. The older man glanced back at the vet and pursed his lips as he tried to figure out a way to encourage the man sitting in the truck. "Well… what are you gonna do about it?"

"I don't know… I wanna go inside, but… what can I say? What can anyone say?" Scott asked, sighing sadly.

"Maybe it's not so much about what you are gonna say, but more about you stepping over that threshold to let her know you are there for her?" Jack suggested. Scott looked at him and thought about his words for a second, finally nodding as he unbuckled his seat belt.

It had been a while since Scott had been inside the ranch house. Just like 30 minutes before, he had visited the barn more often than the main building. Lou's sister, Amy, had needed his vet skills to help figure out a horse that was having a behavior problems. But he wasn't familiar with the barn only through his vet visits, but also beyond that. Once upon a time, he had lived in the loft upstairs and called this place a home too.

"Would you like something to drink? Coffee? Lemonade, maybe?" Lou fussed, almost making visible trails between the fridge and the cabinets as she went back and forth. "It's really hot outside, so you could really go either way. I mean, coffee makes your blood rush, so you start sweating and therefore you feel colder. But a good lemonade with ice cubes–"

"Lou, it's okay. I'm good", Scott interrupted and the brunette stared at him for a while, then nodding as she realized she was babbling again. It was a habit of hers when she was nervous. Lou felt restless and didn't know what to do with her hands.

"It just helps. Keeping busy, you know."

"Yeah, I would think. But you need to take it easy. If only for the baby", Scott said and nodded toward the belly that had grown bigger since they had last seen each other.

Lou looked down and laid her hands on it.

"Yeah…" she said weakly and sighed. "It's almost like a cruel joke, you know", there was an attempt of a laugh, but it came out really heartbreaking. "Like I always told Peter to have a safe flight and he just said that it wasn't the flight that he was worried about, because… as they say, the dangerous part is when you drive to the airport… and now–" Lou felt out of breath as the tears started to fall. She still couldn't face the fact that his husband had died in a car accident on his way to the airport few weeks ago. "And I can't just drop everything and mourn", she said, looking like she was angry about it, "I need to go on… because of the baby. His baby."

"It's not just his. It's yours too, just as much", Scott said.

"Yeah, but he's gone, Scott. Peter's dead. How am I gonna look at this baby and not think about him every time?" Lou cried.

"Because you're not meant to. You are supposed to look at the baby and remember him every time. That way he stays alive for you", Scott spoke. He hoped he wasn't overstepping his bounds by saying all this.

Lou looked at him for a while and nodded, swallowing dryly.

"I guess it's good that I still have few months to go… Maybe somehow I get things to a better state… and I won't be so sad. Wouldn't wanna be sad for her…" Lou said.

"Her…?" Scott echoed carefully.

"Well, we didn't want to know the sex of the baby, but… I don't know, I just think it's a girl", Lou let him in on a secret she had not told even to Peter. Scott smiled a little.

"You just take care of yourself and it's the best thing for the baby too", Scott knew this from experience. Maybe he had never been so close to anyone who was having a baby, but as a vet, the mom's well-being always came first in a difficult situations.

"I guess you're right…" Lou nodded. She stepped closer and for some reason, Scott froze in fear. "Can I hug you?"

"Y-yeah…" Scott nodded, hoping Lou wouldn't notice. He wasn't sure why he was so nervous. It wasn't about Lou, but maybe it was about Peter. Some part of him felt wrong about doing this, even though it was just a friendly gesture. They had not been nothing but (distant) friends for years now with Lou anyway, so it wasn't like he had some alternative agenda in the back of his mind. Here was here as a friend, and nothing more.

Still, the guilt tingled his insides as he wrapped his arms around Lou, being carefully as the baby bump pressed against his abdomen. He wanted to be there for Lou, but feared that he would somehow force himself back into her life and she wouldn't appreciate it. How could he make it clear that even though they had not been in so close contact lately, nothing had really changed and he was there if Lou ever needed help. Maybe he was over-thinking this again. Maybe he just needed to stick to what Jack was telling him.

"If you need anything, anything at all, Lou, I'm here…" Scott wanted to let her know. But from now on, he would let actions speak louder than words. He had never been good with words anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

Every week, after his Friday night work shift, Scott drove up to Heartland and brought Lou something nice, to celebrate another successful week of strength in this difficult situation. He always felt dead tired, but it never stopped him from getting into his truck and going to see Lou. Right now, nothing felt as important as his job and Lou's well-being.

"Scott, look at you. You can hardly keep your eyes open", Lou worried as she received a box of her favorite chocolate from her vet friend.

"It's okay", Scott assured her, but Lou didn't agree. She could clearly see he forced his eyes open at times and some of the things she said to him didn't actually reach him at all.

"No", Lou was firm. "I've already lost one man to a car accident, so I can't have you driving in that condition." Scott then realized that indeed his behavior was a bit reckless, especially considering the situation. "You should stay over."

"Stay over…? But isn't the house… full as it is?" Scott was unsure.

"It's just one night anyway. The guest room is free", Lou said.

She had had plans about turning her mother's room into a nursery, but right now she didn't really feel like it. Erasing mom and Peter from her life at the same time felt too painful.

"Okay, if you're sure."

"I am. Now, let me get you a towel. You reek", she commented, making him smile. Scott never realized just how much smells he absorbed during the day as he made visits to different ranches.

"Hey, wait, Lou", he stopped him. "What am I gonna wear?"

"I'll find you something", Lou said over her shoulder and disappeared from the kitchen, leaving Scott behind. He looked around and thought about it. Heartland still felt like home and he could still remember where everything was, but staying inside the ranch house was still just as exciting - if not more - as it was back then. The sense of nostalgia definitely added something to it. Jack had not allowed him inside the house outside the dining times, but Marion had always had a soft spot for Scott and she had invited him to watch TV whenever Jack wasn't around. He couldn't have been more thankful to Lou's mother, since she was the reason why he had become a vet in the first place. And she was also the reason why he had such an amazing person as Lou in his life.

Later that night, Scott laid on his back at Marion's old bed. He wasn't used to the feel of it and even if his mind was screaming for rest, Scott just couldn't fall asleep. He didn't know just how long he had tossed and turned in Peter's old clothes, but it felt like hours. Scott turned on his side and sighed when he thought about the clothes and Lou's face as she had handed them over. It had felt strange. Maybe this was too much and he messing with her head, making it worse?

The door opened gently, but Scott was afraid to move. He acted as if he was sleeping and just listened. Soft steps lead the person to his bed.

"Scott…?" Lou's voice whispered. Scott gave himself a permission to turn on his back.

"Lou…?" he said to the darkness.

"I'm sorry… Were you asleep?"

"No, not really. Everything okay?" he worried.

"I can't sleep. My mind won't let me."

"Join the club…" Scott mumbled.

"Can I come next to you?"

"Uh… yeah, I guess", he felt stupid for saying that, but being in a bed with Lou only brought back memories of intimacy that had since turned into fading memories. He wasn't sure how he would feel about it now, but if Lou was okay with, maybe he was too. "What's wrong?"

Lou positioned herself to the other side of the bed and tried to find a comfortable way to be in, since her belly was making it harder every day.

"I just kept thinking about us. Because it's so weird that you were just two doors away from me", Lou spoke. "Kind of like the old times." She didn't seem as down as she usually did, and it was almost as if she was welcoming this distraction of thoughts that he offered by staying over.

"Oh?" Scott said. He couldn't really make out her silhouette in the dark, but could feel she was there from the way the mattress moved underneath him.

"Yeah, like it's been a while. And then– I hope you don't mind me asking, but I wondered why we haven't been in contact before… this?" Lou asked. Scott felt like getting a little defensive, explaining about how he was busy at work or something along the lines, but before he could say anything, Lou opened her mouth again. "I'm not mad at you, I just wondered. We used to be so close. Where did that go?"

Scott took some time to think about his reply.

"Well… after we broke up… I couldn't really see how we would make it work and… since I had not done any progress with it when you met Peter, I didn't really feel like fighting for you. Why would I fight for you when I didn't really know what to give you", Scott noticed how the words came out somehow easier in the dark.

"No, but we were friends too", Lou reminded.

"I know, but let me explain", Scott asked. Lou stayed quiet. "When I realized you were falling in love with Peter, I didn't feel like coming between you two. After all, you seemed happy and that was what I wanted for you - whether it'd be with me or someone else. And from there on out, I thought maybe we could at least be friends. But I had to learn to… I guess, un-love you before I could do it. All the things I fell in love with you, that kept me too close, they had to be dealt with. So I couldn't come to you before I would do that."

"So… did you…?" Lou was nervous about asking about it, because even if it was water under the bridge, she had still wondered what could have happened with them if things had gone other way. Or what Scott was even thinking about her anymore, if he was thinking about her at all.

"Why do you think I never came for you?" Scott was giving her an answer by making her think, because it felt too difficult to just say it out loud. Lou felt her heart skip a beat.

"But you're here now…" she said carefully.

"Yeah, but it wasn't because I succeeded in… un-loving you", Scott felt like he wasn't far from stuttering. "It was because… I loved you. Still. That's why I couldn't stay away anymore."

There was a silence and Scott worried he had said too much. Lou wasn't sure how to respond to him, so she just edged closer and wrapped her arm around him.

"Oh, Scott…" she sniffled against his shoulder. Lou couldn't remember the last time anyone had made her heart feel as big as he did right now. Yes, she was sad they had missed things because of Scott's somewhat noble way of handling things, but she wasn't a saint either. Lou wasn't sure why she had kept away from Scott just as much, but she knew now, it was all clear in her head. She had been worried that he wouldn't love her anymore, not as a lover or as a friend, and it was something she wasn't prepare to handle.

Scott laid his hand on her wavy hair and caressed it lightly. He was still careful about the way he touched her, but at the same time Scott felt Lou needed closeness and he was there to make sure she would be surrounded with comfort.


	3. Chapter 3

Lou saw her bedroom door was ajar, even though she could clearly remember shutting it in the morning. She had been out, running errands, and had come back to what she thought was an empty house.

"Amy…?" Lou guessed and stepped closer to the door. Maybe she had just forgotten to close it. This pregnancy was making her memory play tricks on her anyway. Lou could no longer keep up with the times she had forgotten something on top of the car while she would just start driving, or how she would put down random items in the weirdest places and eventually find them days later from a place where they did not belong. It was beginning to drive her insane.

As Lou opened the door, she saw Scott on the floor, putting up a crib. His eyes shifted toward the door and the pregnant woman that was looking at him curiously.

"Scott, what are you doing?" she sighed out of relief.

"I'm putting up a crib. You told me last week that you still haven't done it, that the package's still lying at the corner of your bedroom, and I just figured I had time, so…" Scott shrugged.

"You didn't have to do that. I could have just asked Grampa or Ty to do it", Lou smiled, taken back by Scott's kindness.

"I know. But I wanted to", he explained. Lou put down her handbag and sat on her bed. She had to adjust her belly as she adjusted herself.

"I didn't see your truck outsid", Lou said.

"Oh, well that's because Ty's changing one of the tires. He said he could use some money, so I told him he could do that and I would give him some cash in exchange", Scott explained.

"That's nice of you", Lou smiled. Scott returned the smile and looked at the belly when he kept on putting up the crib.

"How are you feeling today?" Scott chatted.

"I'm good. But the baby has been kicking all day and it's kind of distracting", she laughed a little. "Oh, here it is again! Come, come", she ushered the man and Scott up to feel the kicks. Lou guided his hand to the right spot and waited. "There! Did you feel it?" Lou looked up to see Scott's reaction.

"Yeah", Scott smiled. Even after years of being a vet and witnessing so many births, he was still astonished about these miracles of life. "That's a pretty strong kick. You could have a footballer in your hands."

"Maybe", Lou giggled. She then loosened up her grip from his hand, but didn't let go entirely. "Scott… I know I've thanked you many times for being here for me, but I feel like I should thank you again."

"Lou… it's not a problem, honestly", Scott belittled his actions.

"No. It's such a huge thing for me. Every week is a battle, even though I have my better moments, but… I'm always looking forward to these Fridays. I know they are going to be good days because you're here", Lou said, and they looked into each other's eyes. Scott sat down next to her, wanting to be on her level.

"That's really nice of you to say", Scott smiled. He felt encouraged to say the following. "I have to admit, Fridays have become my favorite days too."

"Really…?" Lou's grin could have lit up the entire town.

"Yeah…" Scott admitted shyly.

Lou enjoyed seeing Scott here, doing all these chores that she never got around to do, and being so comfortable with her family. Even if she missed Peter like crazy, he was a different kind of love of her life than Scott was and lately Lou was starting to realize that. The way she felt around him didn't diminish the feelings she would always have for Peter, because both of them had her hearts for different reasons.

"You remember what you said about that un-loving thing weeks ago?" Lou steered the conversation a little bit. Scott nodded, hoping he wouldn't have to regret saying it. "I think I kind of tried to do the same. But instead of washing away the colors from all the things that made me love you, I just hid them somewhere deep inside of me. But now… I think they are back. It was like I pressed a pause button until I was ready to face what I felt again. And now I am."

Scott looked into Lou's green eyes, trying to understand what she was trying to say. He didn't want to assume too much, but it sounded like she was having her own share of nostalgia too.

"What do you mean…?" Scott asked nervously.

"I still love you, Scott. Maybe I've changed, maybe we've changed", she took better grip on his hand, "but that hasn't. And I've been thinking about this and I've been feeling guilty about feeling it now, because you know… Peter's… dead and I'm a widower with his– our baby on the way, but at the same time I want to think Peter would like me to be happy. And he'd probably want that this baby would have a good man in her life, someone to look up to."

Scott stared at Lou, trying to keep himself calm as his heart raced even faster.

"I hope I'm not coming on too strong, because I'm not going to ask anything from you or say that you're entitled for something, but I just wanted you to know that… I love you, Scott. Even if we are just friends, I still love you and I don't see it changing. And why shouldn't friends love each other, I mean they should, but what I'm saying is that it's more than just–"

And before Lou could continue, Scott had the urge to kiss her the way he would have kissed her when he had suggested that they'd take a break after her proposal, had he known it was possibly going to be their last kiss ever. It took a while for Lou to get a hold on the situation, but when she did, she felt relieved and the most care-free she had felt after Peter's death. It was like her life that had since then turned to black and white, was now blossoming with colors of the rainbow and she never wanted to go back to the time that they didn't exist.

"I love you too…" Scott whispered between kisses into Lou's mouth and the words got caught between their lips as they embraced each other lovingly. Scott couldn't find the words to describe the feeling on his chest, but he didn't have to. Lou felt the same way as well and she could feel Scott feeling it too.


End file.
